I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
