So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
