Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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