I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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