you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
