You smell like stripper and shame
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
