yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
