standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
