I think I died a long time ago.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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