I need help removing her.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
