My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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