Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
