Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
is wine microwaveable?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize