i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
