I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
