My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
