I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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