shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
