i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
