i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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