i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
