Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
