matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
