it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
