I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
