So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
