i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
