ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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