How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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