He uses pillows to masturbate.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
