don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
