Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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