whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
