Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
