I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
we're so committed to being not committed
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