elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
