R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
