I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
