You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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