So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Can you bring me the toilet please
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
