I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
