and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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