Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
