So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
