then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
