I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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