Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He? As in you personified your dick?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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