Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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