So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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