mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize