ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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