Im at strip club and am horny
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
