If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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