He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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