my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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