3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Mom said you looked used
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
