pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
