no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
