I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
