Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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