meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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