just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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