well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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