Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
