Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
