just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
