and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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