If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
