oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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