no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
