Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This is my gift to your gina
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
