oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
