Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
