I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
