my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
