bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
