What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
