K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize