Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
